At first read, this quote seemed like a sweet, carefree sentiment, conjuring up an image of a child skipping down the sidewalk on a warm sunny day, footloose and fancy free. But it got me to thinking about the shadows. Isn't there value to seeing the shadows?

I've done a significant amount of inner work around this topic, even going so far as to writing a novel (never to be released) during National Novel Writing Month from the perspective of my shadow. What I found was that all of those moments when I did something that hurt others or myself, it was ultimately because my shadow side was working behind the scenes to protect me. Because everything was behind the scenes, hidden by its place in the shadows, it influenced my behavior in unpredictable or inconsistent ways.

I might have recognized my inner desires and stepped out in confidence knowing I was speaking and acting my truth if I had been attuned to the hidden feelings and perspectives that I stuffed deep inside of myself because they ran contrary to what others said I was supposed to think or do.

I say might because even awareness isn't always enough to fully step into your truth. I heard another quote recently attributed to Tristan Walker that highlighted this point: “Only with courage can you practice the same values consistently.” It takes courage to break free from the cloud of conformity and live life completely on your terms. And I wish I could say that I've accomplished that, but I haven't. Not quite.
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But what I have done is recognized the well-intended but often subversive role my shadows have played in my life, and invited them into the light by accepting them as a part of who I am. Not as shadows, but as those aspects of myself I had previously kept hidden under lock and key.

And that is a significant step towards igniting your inner spark, that part of yourself that you've packed away because at some point you decided it was better to hide than to face judgment from others.

Rumi said, "the wound is the place where the light enters you." And I completely agree. By exploring my shadows I have been able to bring to light the qualities and strengths obscured by them. Perseverance, resilience, grit, independence, adventure, creativity, quirkiness, powerful metaphysical gifts, intelligence, a deeply non-religious spirituality.

Stuff like that may have never surfaced as positives had I continued to ignore my shadows. If I hadn't embraced them, I may have lived life ashamed and embarrassed by things that have since become very significant parts of my of life. Is that even really living?

​Sometimes we can't fully value the sun because we've only ever experienced it under the cloud of our shadows. It's hard to know how bright things can really be until they've dissipated. But it IS brighter. And freer and more lighthearted, just as that child skipping down the sidewalk, because you've embraced a crucial part of yourself that you'd previously rejected.

​Self-acceptance is the light on the other side. And even though the journey can be stormy, the rain will subside, the rainbow will appear, and you'll be able to revel in the comfort and warmth of your own personal sun.

Questions: What have you hidden away because of fear of judgment from others? Do you feel embarrassed or ashamed by these things? If so, why? What hidden strengths can you find hidden within them?

oOo.

If you're ready to move through your shadows and on to the sunny side of life but aren't quite sure how to do it, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!

Stagnant relationships, dead-end jobs, crummy bosses or coworkers, money issues, health problems. Unbeknownst to many of us, all of these things are a direct result of patterns of thought; the habitual way we think about things that influence our behavior and experiences.

Mindset is basically the container for these patterns or habits of thinking. Every one of us has a mindset, and each of our personal filters - that influence how we think about and perceive our world - form habits based on the patterns we've perceived from the experiences we've had.

Patterns can be a good thing. If you know that a particular highway you drive on to get to work gets congested at certain times, by recognizing that pattern you can plan to take an alternate route that gets you there faster. If you recognize that skipping breakfast results in your dragging around for the rest of the day, or that too much coffee gets you so jittery you can't think or communicate clearly (hello - that's me!), then you can adapt by tweaking those patterns to create more positive experiences.

The problem, however, is that in those experiences, instead of creating patterns that benefit us, we are adjusting to patterns that already exist. When it comes to your own personal patterns, it's far easier to notice patterns that happen to you, like a string of crummy jobs or bosses or love interests, instead of seeing the patterns of your own behaviors and habits of thinking that attracted those experiences to you in the first place.

The clincher is that until you are able to see those patterns, you're stuck living a status quo life. Sure, things might change; a new job, a new relationship, but they always end up being more of the same. You continue to take any job instead of focusing on and going for the job of your dreams. You continue to date anyone who shows an interest in you, instead of seeking someone who fits your ideal. And why? Because you're stuck in a repeating pattern based on a mindset that is no longer working for you.

It may be you don't think you're qualified, good enough or lucky enough to land the job of your dreams, and so you go for the jobs you think you deserve or are good enough for, until you up your mindset and choose to believe something different. Something better. It could be that you tend to attract people into your life who take advantage of you, treat you badly, disrespect you, are like your parents, try to suck you into their drama, or have low expectations of themselves - because deep down you unconsciously doubt your own worthiness or lack self-respect - then you're destined to repeat this destructive pattern over and over and over again. That is until you choose something different.

You can change your patterns. You can also change your unique filters that helped to create those patterns in the first place. And you can change your mindset to help prevent such patterns from returning once you've made the choice for something better. But while awareness is the first step towards changing those patterns, the next step is a willingness to accept that what shows up in your life is the result of your own patterned thinking.

Most people I know, including myself, have adopted patterns of thinking. I like to call them habits of thinking, because that helps us to recognize that these patterns are within our control to change. Just as changing a deeply rooted habit takes intention and time, so to does changing a habit of thought. But if you want to create a truly sustainable better life for yourself, it all comes down to choice. Stay the same or do the work to shift your mindset so it works for you.

Questions: If you could create the life of your dreams, what would you improve? What habits of thinking are keeping you in a repeated pattern resulting in a status quo life? What changes can you make in your thinking to create a mindset upgrade?

oOo.

If you're ready to make the switch from dysfunctional status quo patterns and create new ones that work for you, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!

Words can not express how much I loooooove this quote as it so elegantly describes mindset in its purest form.

​The way I describe mindset, is:

1. Experiences happen from which we form perceptions based on our individual filters.
2. Those filters are unique to each of us, similar to fingerprints. Our perceptions, once reinforced, become beliefs, which then drive our behavior.
3. When our behavior is informed by our beliefs, we attract certain experiences that reinforce them, based on our perceptions.
4. And, our perceptions and beliefs aren't only about our experiences, but also about ourselves and others. They directly tie in to how we think about ourselves and others, and how we show up in the world.

Our perceptions are subjective. Evidence of this shows up when people at the same event remember different things. It's why twins exposed to very similar experiences and conditions can have very different personalities. It's because to some extent, we add our own special spin on what we experience...those filters mentioned earlier. Our filters represent our own creative process at work.
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If you're in a great mood, the world seems bright and cheerful. Here's an example.

And if you're not, well our view of things adjusts to that as well (this isn't the greatest quality but it's a really good contrast).

Switching to memories, it's all about time. They live in the past. They are no longer real because the only things that truly exist are in the present. The future and past are figments of our imagination.

So when we unite our perceptions, which represent an act of creation, with our memories, an act of imagination, we can wreak incredible havoc on what we interpreted as being fact and real from our childhood - a time when we had limited knowledge about the world, people, and how things worked.

As kids, it's easy to misinterpret intentions, because we didn't really understand much more than what we experienced in the moment. The actions and words. We lived very much in the present (when our mindset was beginning to form), and so likely did little reflection on why things happened the way they did. But we did begin to judge things as good or bad, with little awareness of, or allowance for, nuance until we got older. And by then, much of the foundation for our mindset had already been created.

For some, there were traumatic events that continue to influence their mindset today. I am in no way suggesting that the things that happened weren't real. What I am suggesting, though, is that how you thought about yourself, the meaning you made of those experiences, and the story that you tell today, can all be shifted. Because memory is to some degree an act of imagination, and perception is to some degree an act of creation.

Allowing these things from your past to define who you are today is a choice, not an absolute. Yes, things happened. Some of them may have been truly horrific. And you survived. You showed resilience, strength, perhaps determination, and many other qualities.

Instead of allowing things that brought you down in the past to continue to hinder you today, why not apply your creativity and imagination by highlighting those things that allowed you to overcome adversity.

​Questions: What stories do you tell from your childhood as an adult? Which ones position yourself as a victim or someone helpless? Ask yourself if this is really what you want to bring forth into the present today, or if there are other, more empowering elements to those stories you can highlight instead.

oOo.

If you're ready to make the switch from tired, old, dysfunctional patterns and create new ones that work for you, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!

Over the past few years I've been developing what I call Detanglement Coaching. The premise behind this type of coaching is that when one thing shows up as a problem in life, there is a deeper seated issue pulling the strings.

The longer one goes without addressing that deeper issue, the more problems show up in the person's life. At some point these things become entangled, and constricting. And it's hard to find your way out of a big hairy knot of life's problems when you're the one living it.

What is fascinating is how many of these life problems appear on the surface to be unrelated. Troubles with a coworker or boss (or both); problems with kids or spouse (or both); money issues; weight issues; health issues, and so on. Yet, when digging deeper into the heart of these problems, they don't just intersect, they all point to one main underlying issue.

And the thing about that big hairy knot - the one that contributes to all of the frayed tangles spiking out from it - is that it isn't like the problems that appear on the surface; those that show up as real and tangible situations. Nope. The big hairy knot is a concept. A belief. A mindset.

When it comes to mindset, we rarely understand what drives it, until we make the conscious decision to do so. And just like we rely on the sun to heat the Earth, we depend on our mindset to drive our behaviors through perceptions and beliefs; about others, about the world, and especially about ourselves.

Yet mindset represents your universe that hitches to any individual thought. So when you're trying to work through a personal problem, sure you can opt to ignore it and hope it goes away, or to put a bandaid on it to stop the initial irritation. But consider the source.

Because the heart of one problem is also very likely at the heart of others. And doing the same thing over and over again, like ignoring or trying to obscure the force in your universe that fuels all of your life's issues, will simply result in your perpetual orbit around it until you make the choice to venture to the heart of the matter.

Questions: Where do you experience repeating problems in your life - work, relationships, weight or other issues? What are the common threads that connect them? How might you incorporate one or more changes to break the pattern?

.oOo.

If you're feeling you're in a perpetual orbit, reliving the same dysfunctional patterns over and over again, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!

Something I've noticed through my years of coaching and consulting is that people only hear what they're ready to hear. It doesn't matter how persuasive, repetitive or direct I am in my message, if they're not yet at the point in their life's journey to receive that information, it bounces right off of them.

• I enjoy watching reruns of my favorite movies and am regularly amazed how a particular message resonated with me on my fifth viewing when I had never noticed it in the first four.
• People close to me have come to me with a bright light in their eyes following an epiphany that is practically verbatim to insights I'd shared with them years ago. They don't recall my words, yet the sentiment is meaningful to them today.

McKenna's quote reminds me of this phenomenon. We are regularly provided with information that can guide us in resolving our issues, or problems, but until we're ready to actually face them, that information is lost.

Or is it? What if it the words I shared years ago with my loved one planted a seed? Or what if it made an imprint in their protective bubble for a seed to be planted the next time they heard a similar message?

Even though it may be frustrating for the seed planter, it can be even more frustrating for the person who realizes they've received messages - sometimes for years - that only made sense to them much later.

And to that I include another quote from journalist & editor Stuart Alexander Chase: To understand is to forgive, even oneself.

Sometimes it does take multiple attempts before we're ready to receive a particular life's message. Accepting that it wasn't the right time until now is a great path to self-acceptance. There is such a high emphasis placed on speed in our culture that it's natural for us to want to always get it right the first time. Yet we're human. And being human means we live life outside of pre-determined timelines.

Yes, being open and receptive to messages that can help us grow is helpful to accelerate our progress, but sometimes we're just not ready until we are. Placing judgment on how long it takes to get there only helps to obscure the joy of the learning experience. Acceptance, on the other hand, allows for celebration and the ability to put our new learning into practice. 

Questions: When have you experienced an aha moment that you later realized was one in a trail of earlier, similar, messages? What messages are you receiving today that you haven't yet been willing or able to face head-on? How can you celebrate instead of judge these moments of self-discovery, even if they've been knocking on your door for ages?

.oOo.

If you're having a hard time finding receiving life messages, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!

This may be one of the most challenging lessons in life to learn. That it's not the destination, but the journey that is at the heart of happiness. Many of us, especially in American culture but others too, have been conditioned to focus on the outcomes. The achievements. The grades and degrees. And winning.

And because of this, the journey often feels tedious. Grueling. Hard. Yes, sometimes things are, in fact, challenging. And sometimes we don't want to do them. Which makes it all the easier to focus on the outcome instead of remaining in the present where we're faced with potential drudgery.

Yet focusing on the future allows for things such as worry and fear to seep in. What if I don't finish? What if I can't do it? What if I'm not good enough? What if I fail?

These are real fears, but many of them can easily fade away when you actually do that which is in front of you right now.
Procrastination represents the manifestation of those fears into physical form. We'd rather do just about anything than that which conjures up the unsettling feelings we face when thinking about the daunting task ahead of us. ​

At times, procrastination can serve a positive purpose, but that is not the case when it is created from fear. Then its only purpose is to amplify those fears until you reach the crossroads of pushing through it or failing. And all along the way, where is the joy?

Instead, why not take a step back and find the something good in the moment and in whatever it is you are resisting. What can you find that is interesting, or a learning opportunity, or that represents the reason you've endeavored to do this thing in the first place? 

​The more you are able to strengthen this muscle of experiencing joy in all that you do, the more you will also be able to find lasting joy in the outcomes.

Questions: Where are you focusing on outcomes and either dreading or procrastinating on the journey to get there? What things can you find within the journey to enjoy along the way?

.oOo.

If you're having a hard time finding your joy, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one! ​

Last week I wrote about the fear of making mistakes, and how this fear often relates to a larger fear of rejection.
Emerson's quote hinges on that sentiment, in that it takes real strength and courage to move beyond the pressure of friends, family and society to walk your own path instead of conforming to what they want.

This pressure from others isn't just perception, it is also an energy. There are subtle energies that are hard to see but are very influential in our lives, and one of the ways they show up is through peer pressure and group think.

When someone encourages you to do something you don't want to do, a vibrational dissonance occurs. And when that person is someone you care about, an additional energetic bond is present that enhances that dissonance, sometimes to the point of intense discomfort. This becomes even more uncomfortable when there are more than one person willing you to buy-in to their way of thinking.

It's natural for most of us to want to resolve that dissonance in favor of harmony. But doing so in favor of other people's interests rather than our own comes at a price. Yes, the energetic pull is stronger to comply, but only in the moment. Once you are alone with your own energy, your soul's voice - your truth - starts to filter back in.

When you've thrown yourself under the proverbial bus in favor of the interests of others, you feel it. It often rears its head in the form of uncertainty and doubt. You may feel conflicted, or wobbly, possibly moody. Why? Because you're off center. You're leaning towards the interests of others instead of centering within your own.

To break free of this energy can feel like ripping velcro apart. But there is one magical concept that can make this process much easier to enact and endure: Conviction.

Conviction means you're 100% invested. There is no doubt in your mind that this is what you must do. It's an all or nothing proposition. There is no 98% in favor, 2% unsure or against.

​Because if there is any shred of doubt in the path you want to take, a crack is formed in which that energetic pull of doubt and the interests of others begin to seep in. The more doubt you have, the greater the crevasse, which is why so many people make bold decisions that they then backtrack from later. It's because they lacked conviction.

Conviction isn't easy to come by. That's why Emerson wrote it's the greatest accomplishment. Stepping into something fully and completely can feel like rejection to others, and they don't like that. They feel that way because you're releasing the energetic chords that they've unconsciously tried to attach to you by standing in your own energy through and through.

Once you've managed to embody conviction though, something amazing happens. Things magically fall into place in your favor - people as well as experiences. All of a sudden, with little, if any, resistance, people accept your choice. Opportunities begin to emerge. The path that you thought you'd have to forge alone suddenly begins to show definition. And all because you stepped into your choice and made up your mind. How awesome is that?!

Questions: Where in your life have you felt pressure to conform to the interests of others? How would you gauge your level of conviction in those situations? What's preventing you from reaching 100%?

.oOo.

If you're experiencing doubt or having a difficult time stepping fully into your choices, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week.
​Mindset is a choice. Choose an extraordinary one!

I write a lot about social conditioning. The things we've learned to believe, to embrace, to fear, and how many of those things were taught to us by people who were trying to help. People who may have cared for us and probably didn't recognize that their own perspectives influenced the way they viewed the world and how it operates.

One of the things that a lot of people were conditioned to fear - myself included - is making mistakes.

Author Joseph Conrad mentioned something similar to this sentiment, "Only those who do nothing make no mistakes." Since I am on a crusade to bring positive language back into popular use, let's turn this around to read, those who do things make mistakes.

It's a part of life. If you're going to do something, mistakes are a part of the process. After all, we made mistakes when learning to walk and talk. We made mistakes when learning to read, write and do math. And we make mistakes today.

​The only difference is, it's a lot harder to admit because so many of us have been taught that making mistakes are bad, and tend to lead to rejection when we make one. We try to blame someone - anyone - for it, so we aren't the one receiving the finger of accusation, and since we're not to blame we remain accepted by the hive.

But what if instead of running from mistakes, we, like Fiona Apple, embraced them? Does that mean we go out and make mistakes intentionally because we can? Maybe.

Take the entrepreneur, author and speaker Jia Jang.
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He felt rejection at an early age and then noticed as an adult that he was too fearful to pursue aspirations he had in his teens because of fears around rejection. With that realization he became determined to turn that fear into opportunity. Here is what he did.

Yes, mistakes and fear of rejection can be paralyzing, but only if you allow them to continue to run your life. The foundations for these fears only retain their power because they have been accepted as fact. But these 'facts of life' are based on old information that, once upgraded with a new and improved viewpoint, can be archived and replaced by more empowered approaches that better serve you today.

Questions:​ What is your view of making mistakes? Do you run from them or embrace them? If fear of mistakes and rejection hinder your life, what actions can you intentionally take to turn those fears around?

.oOo.

If you're challenged by perfectionism and a fear of making mistakes, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

In thinking more about it, even though the two sentiments seem similar, I believe there is a subtle difference between them:  Belief.

The underlying belief with 'fake it til you make it' is that in order to achieve something, one must first pretend to already be or have it. This is inauthentic, and can create misalignment between your head and heart. And even if you're able to convince yourself that it's okay to pretend or be inauthentic, your heart knows better.

Plus you put your focus on your external environment instead of on yourself. 'Making it' is an outcome. A goal. An aspiration. Something we hope will happen. 

Questions: Are there areas in your life where you feel out of alignment between how you're thinking, feeling and showing up? If so, what steps can you take to focus more on believing in your inner capacity with less reliance on the end result? 

.oOo.

If you're challenged to shift out of imposter syndrome and step into your personal power, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one! ​

While there may be some truth to this, I believe it all comes down to intention and belief.

If you spend our time focusing only on what we don't want, then yes, you likely will attract more of what you dislike into your life.

If, on the other hand, you make it clear - to yourself and the Universe, higher power or whomever you tend to speak to, if anyone, in a spiritual sense - that in order to get to what you want you must first work through what you don't want, and that you only intend to manifest the end result (what you want), then you'll be just fine.

​Believing this is another important factor though, so if you're not there belief-wise and remain fearful that you're somehow at risk, then, as I always recommend, do what feels best for you.

Question: What existing reality do you want to make obsolete in your life, and what kind of new model will you dare to create to replace it?

Although it might sound easy, once becoming aware of what you do and don't want is only the beginning. There's a lot more underneath the surface that also must evolve if you want a change to stick.