When making choices for ourselves, it is so easy to do it with partial conviction. "I want to make a change in my life, but only as so far as others can accept it", just does not fly.
Even if the words are different, I frequently hear this in the form of excuses and frustrations of people I've talked to. They want to make a change but don't want it to be inconvenient or uncomfortable for themselves or others. So when someone challenges them, or interferes with their plans in some way, the choice for change is chucked to the wayside to fend for itself while the person diverts their attention elsewhere, possibly never to return again.
I learned a formula in graduate school that applies nicely here. It'a formula for change refined by Kathie Dannemiller based on David Gleicher's original version. Here it is: C=DxVxF>R, where C is Change, D is level of Dissatisfaction with the status quo, V is Vision for the future, F is First steps that can be taken towards that vision, and R is Resistance to the change.
The way I see it, when you stand outside of your story, especially after wanting or actually choosing to walk inside it (but allow people and circumstances to derail you), your resistance to the change is greater than the factors supportive of the change. It's as simple as that. Not as simple, however, is why. This quote offers us a hint...your sense of worthiness.
When you allow others to derail something you want or have already chosen to change, it's a sign that you put your desires after those of others. Why? Because you believe their stuff matters more than yours. That's a clear indication of worthiness issues.
If that last sentiment pisses you off, good. Because that may be what it takes to awaken your dissatisfaction with the status quo, ignite your vision for the future, and initiate your first steps towards making that change.
Sometimes you have to get angry to push yourself out of your comfort zone and step 100% into your choice for change. Once you're at 100%, it's easier to stay there when disruptions and distractions come a knocking. Because you know - instead of think or hope - that this change is right for you. 100% defines your story within which you can walk. Anything less than that and you're basically walking the line between someone else's version of your story and your own. If you had the choice (and you do), which would you choose?
Questions: When have you allowed circumstances or people to disrupt or distract you from a change you wanted to make? How might a sense of worthiness relate to your choice to allow your plans to be derailed? Which of the factors from the formula for change were weaker than your resistance (which showed up in letting your plans get derailed)? How can you strengthen those factors for any future change?
If you're challenged to stick with a change or find yourself giving in to the interests of others over your own, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.
Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!
Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours magnificent!
All Alignment Belief Change Choice Connection Conviction Finding Your Joy Gratitude Inner Voice Intention Living Your Truth Mindset Monday Patterns Perception Perfectionism Receiving Self Help Self-help Self-worth Shadow Work
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.