When making choices for ourselves, it is so easy to do it with partial conviction. "I want to make a change in my life, but only as so far as others can accept it", just does not fly.

Even if the words are different, I frequently hear this in the form of excuses and frustrations of people I've talked to. They want to make a change but don't want it to be inconvenient or uncomfortable for themselves or others. So when someone challenges them, or interferes with their plans in some way, the choice for change is chucked to the wayside to fend for itself while the person diverts their attention elsewhere, possibly never to return again.

I learned a formula in graduate school that applies nicely here. It'a formula for change refined by Kathie Dannemiller based on David Gleicher's original version. Here it is: C=DxVxF>R, where C is Change, D is level of Dissatisfaction with the status quo, V is Vision for the future, F is First steps that can be taken towards that vision, and R is Resistance to the change.

The way I see it, when you stand outside of your story, especially after wanting or actually choosing to walk inside it (but allow people and circumstances to derail you), your resistance to the change is greater than the factors supportive of the change. It's as simple as that. Not as simple, however, is why. This quote offers us a hint...your sense of worthiness.

When you allow others to derail something you want or have already chosen to change, it's a sign that you put your desires after those of others. Why? Because you believe their stuff matters more than yours. That's a clear indication of worthiness issues.

If that last sentiment pisses you off, good. Because that may be what it takes to awaken your dissatisfaction with the status quo, ignite your vision for the future, and initiate your first steps towards making that change.

​Sometimes you have to get angry to push yourself out of your comfort zone and step 100% into your choice for change. Once you're at 100%, it's easier to stay there when disruptions and distractions come a knocking. Because you know - instead of think or hope - that this change is right for you. 100% defines your story within which you can walk. Anything less than that and you're basically walking the line between someone else's version of your story and your own. If you had the choice (and you do), which would you choose?

Questions: When have you allowed circumstances or people to disrupt or distract you from a change you wanted to make? How might a sense of worthiness relate to your choice to allow your plans to be derailed? Which of the factors from the formula for change were weaker than your resistance (which showed up in letting your plans get derailed)? How can you strengthen those factors for any future change?

.oOo.

If you're challenged to stick with a change or find yourself giving in to the interests of others over your own, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try. ​

Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours magnificent!

If I were to change one thing about this quote it would be the analogy of selecting our clothes. For only some of the time do my clothing selections result from thoughtful consideration. A lot more of the time I choose not to spend time and attention on that in favor of expending energy on other things.

The sentiment of cultivating control over our thoughts, however, is incredibly important. At a time when so many things - technology, media, a multitude of daily life choices and decision both large and small - compete for our attention, it is easy to put the cultivation of your mind on the shelf. But when that happens, you basically succumb to other attention grabbers and relinquish your freedom of choice. And it all happens below your consciousness radar, so it feels like you are in control, when in fact you are at the mercy of the energy of persuasion.

Minimizing trivial decisions is why I don't pay much mind to my clothing selections most of the time, opting instead for a general uniform of comfortable clothes I can work in. But those times when I do take care to make a selection, time slows down. Importance ramps up as I gauge a variety of factors. What will look nice? What is appropriate for the occasion? How well do the clothes fit? What will be the most comfortable and warm or cool enough? So many choices to make for one fairly insignificant decision!

And that is what I believe Liz Gilbert meant when she penned this quote. That controlling our thoughts takes time, care and attention. And what better way to utilize them than to selecting your thoughts? If you believe as I do, that it is our thoughts that create our reality, choosing our thoughts should be our top priority! It should be what is taught in schools considering the incredible influence it has on our lives! But since it isn't, it is up to each and every one of us to choose to do this for ourselves.

The keyword here is choice. Just making the choice to design your thoughts helps to make the next steps easier, just like making the choice of what to cook for dinner, or redecorating your living space, or purchasing a vehicle helps to set the framework for more detailed choices to follow. What thoughts do I want to have? What will bring me the most joy? What do I want to achieve and what thoughts will help me get there?
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The more you work at defining these thoughts the easier and more routine it gets to select them in the moment, and closer you get to thinking your way to your desired reality.

Questions: How intentional are you with your thoughts? When do you find it easiest to select your thoughts and when do you find it challenging? If you were to improve one thought today, what would it be?

​oOo.

If you're looking for guidance on selecting your thoughts, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try. ​

Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours magnificent!

Have you ever tried to make a change only to find you eventually revert to the way you were doing things before? I sure have.

Diets, exercise, more structure in my schedule, consistently calling my parents, just to name a few. Each representing an attempt to up-level by incorporating new habits towards an improved lifestyle.

And with every attempt, for a time I'd do well, and then I'd eventually back track to the same old behaviors. And even when I was aware that this was happening, it seemed I couldn't convince myself to get back on track towards the newer, more desirable way of being.

But why? I'm an educated mature woman who specializes in mindset, one would think I'd have mastered this conundrum?!

I can think of a few reasons off the top of my head but all of them point to one big difference that makes the difference: TOTAL COMMITMENT!

If you have decided to make a change in your life, whether significant or fairly minor, the single most important element to ensure success is going all-in. And the often overlooked companion to going all-in is making a conscious decision to release yourself from the person you were or are, and allow yourself to be the person you want to become. Without releasing yourself from the past and present, there is no space to manifest a different future.

With diets, this means cutting the cord to the way you used to eat and starting from scratch. This includes releasing those memories that brought you comfort through food - likely those foods you gravitate towards when feeling stressed or emotional.

For exercise, it's finding what will create the kinds of results you want for the person you are today instead of going back to exercises you used to love in your youth that don't work for you any more. This often includes accepting that it will take time, where in the past you might have worked longer and harder and gotten into shape faster than you're able to do now.

And especially, full commitment means replacing the saying 'I've tried it before and it didn't work' for 'if at first I don't succeed, I'll keep going until I do'.

The way I approach these kinds of changes today is to work from the desired state to the present. What does a person who has the qualities I want to achieve do? What beliefs do they have about the situation and themselves? and How do they get past the snags of personal filters that create self-sabotage?
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While the answers to these questions vary by situation, one thing they tend to have in common is full belief in themselves; that they can and will achieve whatever they set their mind to, and that they set their mind with total commitment to those goals - they don't let anything or anyone get in their way.

Easier said than done I know, but if you want to up-level your life, anything less than 100% commitment still leaves room for doubt. And doubt is the best friend of self-sabotage through distractions, disruptions and excuses, and is your quickest way to return to the shore of same old, same old.

Questions: What changes or goals have you struggled with? What distractions, disruptions, excuses or other self-talk was taking place as you started to wobble and eventually succumbed to what you were trying to change? When have you committed 100% to something and how did that turn out? What will it take for you to commit 100% to these other aspects of your life you'd like to up-level?

oOo.

If you've been challenged to successfully up-level, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try. 

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an incredible one!

“No one saves us but ourselves.
          No one can and no one may.
​          We ourselves must walk the path.” - Buddha

Is it strange that as a coach, I am inspired to share this message with others? I mean, the reason people come to me for coaching is because they hope I can help them find their way. Help them to clear the haze that has obscured their ability to live the life they know deep in their hearts is available to them.

And sometimes help is necessary, when one feels lost or misaligned, or when their inner voice has become unbearably negative or abusive.

What I have learned though, is that when we look outside of ourselves for the answer (and believe me, this is something I have done many-a-time myself), we receive insights based on the other person's life experiences and world view.

While I get that it can be helpful to hear these multiple perspectives to better decide what choice or action you want to take, to rely on this advice instead of listening to your own inner voice, is where many people go astray. They question that inner voice. They think other people know more or better than they do.

But no one knows you better than you. No one. Not your spouse or significant others, not your kids, not your friends - even those who have known you for most of your life. Not your boss, not your priest, no one.

Once you're able to recognize that this is your life and yours alone, it makes it far easier to consult and listen to yourself. There will still be others whose words and suggestions resonate with you, but if you're your own advisor, then the advice of others can be heard as opinion and not fact.

Once you're able to live life based on your inner guidance, you'll know for sure that it IS your life, and not an imitation of someone else's. You'll be living your truth. And when you're walking that path, you'll do so with confidence, joy and in full alignment.

This is my goal for every person who works with me, and even those who don't. Because when everyone is living their truth, they're having the time of their life, and when this happens, there's no space or interest for drama, division or despair.

Questions: When have you sought advice from someone else and felt compelled to follow it even though it didn't completely resonate with you? When have you listened to your inner guidance and felt you've let others down as a result? What will it take for you to trust your inner guidance over the advice of others?

oOo.

If you're ready to walk your own path but aren't sure where to start or how to do it, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!

I talk a lot about the words we use and the stories we tell as indicators of current mindset. Words have powerful energy that sets the tone for how you think about yourself and others. And stories are a string of words that conjure up images and and emotions rooted in perceptions that can ultimately become beliefs about yourself and your reality.
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For years I have heard how we create our own reality. And I believe this to be true. But the thing I've struggled with the most is how. If this is my reality how did it come to be? What did I do or say or think to create this present existence?
It's a lot easier to understand and accept my reality when things are going well than when they aren't. Of course, if I have created my own reality, then I've created both the good and the bad. But why would I consciously create bad experiences for myself?

One reason is because of the words that I use and the stories I tell. For example, if I believe when things are going well, something bad is likely to follow, because I've told myself the story that too much of a good thing is bad, or that what goes up must come down, then I'm creating the unconscious expectation of a roller coaster existence with consistent ups and downs. On the surface, this might sound like an average, typical life. A life we've been conditioned to believe is normal.
But what if all of that conditioning is poppycock? What if we were conditioned to believe these things to prevent us from becoming greedy, or selfish?

While probably well intended, there is a down side to this way of thinking. We learn to believe that it isn't acceptable to shoot for the stars. That it is not okay to allow and even expect the best every time over a balance of the best and the worst. That to want the best for yourself is selfish and that putting yourself first is bad.

What if that's where the balance can truly reign supreme? The balance of expecting the best every time AND bouncing back quickly if your expectations aren't always met. The balance between caring for yourself AND caring for others.

This ties in to the other reason reality can be tainted with 'bad' experiences: How you choose to perceive them. And I do believe this is a choice, but only once you've pulled it into your consciousness. Until then, your perceptions lurk in the shadows of your unconscious mind, pulling the strings without your consent.

It may take some effort, especially at first, but looking for the silver lining of what seems like a negative experience can help you to consciously choose optimism. And trusting (and choosing to believe) that things always work in your favor can take you through even the most challenging situations. Because sometimes we can't always see the good in something until it's behind us, but knowing things are in the works for good things to appear in our reality sheds a different light to life's challenges. And that light is your new reality. The one you choose to create.

Questions: What words or stories do you tell yourself when things aren't going as planned? Are they empowering and supportive or critical and callous? What words and stories can you tell that shed a positive light on your current reality? What new reality do you want to create and what words and stories can you use to more closely align with it?

oOo.

If you're ready to create a new reality for yourself, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!

Stagnant relationships, dead-end jobs, crummy bosses or coworkers, money issues, health problems. Unbeknownst to many of us, all of these things are a direct result of patterns of thought; the habitual way we think about things that influence our behavior and experiences.

Mindset is basically the container for these patterns or habits of thinking. Every one of us has a mindset, and each of our personal filters - that influence how we think about and perceive our world - form habits based on the patterns we've perceived from the experiences we've had.

Patterns can be a good thing. If you know that a particular highway you drive on to get to work gets congested at certain times, by recognizing that pattern you can plan to take an alternate route that gets you there faster. If you recognize that skipping breakfast results in your dragging around for the rest of the day, or that too much coffee gets you so jittery you can't think or communicate clearly (hello - that's me!), then you can adapt by tweaking those patterns to create more positive experiences.

The problem, however, is that in those experiences, instead of creating patterns that benefit us, we are adjusting to patterns that already exist. When it comes to your own personal patterns, it's far easier to notice patterns that happen to you, like a string of crummy jobs or bosses or love interests, instead of seeing the patterns of your own behaviors and habits of thinking that attracted those experiences to you in the first place.

The clincher is that until you are able to see those patterns, you're stuck living a status quo life. Sure, things might change; a new job, a new relationship, but they always end up being more of the same. You continue to take any job instead of focusing on and going for the job of your dreams. You continue to date anyone who shows an interest in you, instead of seeking someone who fits your ideal. And why? Because you're stuck in a repeating pattern based on a mindset that is no longer working for you.

It may be you don't think you're qualified, good enough or lucky enough to land the job of your dreams, and so you go for the jobs you think you deserve or are good enough for, until you up your mindset and choose to believe something different. Something better. It could be that you tend to attract people into your life who take advantage of you, treat you badly, disrespect you, are like your parents, try to suck you into their drama, or have low expectations of themselves - because deep down you unconsciously doubt your own worthiness or lack self-respect - then you're destined to repeat this destructive pattern over and over and over again. That is until you choose something different.

You can change your patterns. You can also change your unique filters that helped to create those patterns in the first place. And you can change your mindset to help prevent such patterns from returning once you've made the choice for something better. But while awareness is the first step towards changing those patterns, the next step is a willingness to accept that what shows up in your life is the result of your own patterned thinking.

Most people I know, including myself, have adopted patterns of thinking. I like to call them habits of thinking, because that helps us to recognize that these patterns are within our control to change. Just as changing a deeply rooted habit takes intention and time, so to does changing a habit of thought. But if you want to create a truly sustainable better life for yourself, it all comes down to choice. Stay the same or do the work to shift your mindset so it works for you.

Questions: If you could create the life of your dreams, what would you improve? What habits of thinking are keeping you in a repeated pattern resulting in a status quo life? What changes can you make in your thinking to create a mindset upgrade?

oOo.

If you're ready to make the switch from dysfunctional status quo patterns and create new ones that work for you, Magical Mind - a 4-week online program currently in the works - can help. Or if you'd prefer some 1:1 guidance, give Detanglement Coaching a try.

​Change is always easier with support, so if you've got a change in the works but aren't ready to commit to a program or coaching, please find people who can support you in a positive and uplifting way, to help make your transition a smooth and positive one!

Mindset Monday is a weekly blog that consists of a quote, a comment and one or two questions. It is intended to be short but sweet while providing you with something to ponder related to mindset as you begin your week. Mindset is a choice. Make yours an amazing one!